BOUNDARIES – CRUCIAL FOR SELF LOVE

You have probably met people who have very strict boundaries and they do not allow into their lives things and people that are not honouring them. Why is that some people are struggling in creating those healthy boundaries and for some it comes as default?

The thing is that those who love themselves, truly love, have more respect for themselves. They know what is good for them, they know what is bad for them and they know how to say NO, even if it means disappointing the others.

The others, on the other hand, are not so connected to the Authentic self, the true self, and they have a lot of fears and limiting beliefs that keep them making the decisions that are not serving them. That ensures repeated dishonouring scenarios in their lives till the person is ready to understand what the Universe is trying to teach and show them.

I was one of them. No shame, no guilt. I am now on this path of truly loving and honoring myself. The thing is that I used to hate myself, I mean really hate, and had very loose boundaries and allowed all sorts into my life that was destroying me. In reality, I had a huge fear of rejection and was thinking…”What if they don’t like me the way I am?”, “What if I be alone?”, What if THEY…exactly… The word THEY was dominant, but what about ME? So no wonder, that I completely lost myself in relationships, situations, jobs, friendships…I gave my power away of how I feel to others and I felt less and less connected to myself…

So, what I started doing and what hopefully resonates with you too, is asking yourself what about me is not me? What is that you have taken over from others? What beliefs do you believe in are not yours? Are they your parents’, your friends’ or/and your siblings’? Beliefs such as “Everyone has to like you”, “You have to take care of everyone first before you take care of yourself”, “Taking care of yourself is selfish”, “Don’t you rest before the work is done!”. What have you been telling yourself that is actually making you feel less loved by yourself? And what is behind that action and that thought? Is it fear? Is it fear of being rejected? Is it fear of not being accepted, loved? Is it fear of not being liked and respected? Why do you lose your boundaries, and whom are you trying to please? Just observe your thoughts and your actions and ask those questions/, Become more aware of what is happening before you make that decision and what drives this decision: Love or fear. There is a huge correlation between self love and being able to set healthy boundaries.

Also, what really helped me to set my boundaries and honour my wishes is asking these three questions: 1. Is it hurting someone physically? 2. Is it hurting someone mentallly, emotionally? 3. How important is it for me?

This is a truly wonderful journey of self love and setting healthy boundaries, they go hand in hand and will definitely bring you that harmony and joy within that we all are looking for.

Love you much,

Oksana