WHAT'S MY STORY?
I used to answer this question in this way: I am a perfectly healthy twin, raised in a beautiful family, very hardworking and adventurous, creative and loving. Till 14 years of age, at least so I remember.
Probably no one would believe me that I used to say way too often phrases like:
"I hate myself"..."I just want to die"..."I cannot anymore"... "I see no way out"...“What is the point anyway”...
I strongly believed that I cannot change my reality. I numbed my pain with alcohol and binges, I punished myself with eating disorders and suicidal attempts. I remember crying every single day and it was not an ordinary cry, it felt more like my soul was crying.
I felt helpless…..
Later on in life, I became such an insecure woman, people pleaser with poor boundaries, not knowing who I am, and not knowing what I want to do with my life. I lost myself completely and had no identity apart from being an identical twin who was always compared to by others and myself. I felt like living in a very tight cage and I did not understand how life is so limited. Because even though I was always successful in my career, was an A student, excellent at piano playing and languages, and always received compliments from men, I did not feel that joy on the inside. My happiness was always so conditional. I was dying inside. I knew there is more to my precious life.
I thought that if I become skinny, I will finally be happy...If I am serious enough, smiling just when it is needed, not showing my emotions, being sophisticated and looking 100% at all times, then I would fit the criteria of a successful woman. Never happened, even if I did hit that criteria and went against my nature. I constantly felt that I am not good enough. To be an amazing woman, to live a life of happiness and joy, to free myself from emotional eating, binges and anorexia. To love myself. I had so strong beliefs embedded in me and so autopilot behavioural patterns instilled, that I often found myself crying over my life and thinking, does life really have to be so limited and so full of suffering.
I tried to run away from myself by living in different countries, knowing very well, that there is no place on this earth where I would feel at peace with myself. But I was a fighter and I promised myself that when I come out of this mental fog and find myself, heal myself and get that freedom I was always looking for, I would help other women to be healed too. I did it. My life has done a 180 degree flip.
So who am I now? I love to be me, the real me. I value the simplicity of life, freedom, family, the opportunities (be it new acquaintances, teachings, places etc) and constant change, which for me means growth. I believe that everything and everyone has a reason. My mission is to touch as many souls as I can to help them to see that the dreams are not meant to stay purely in our heads, they are meant to be materialized.
What you are inside, you project on the outside and when you heal yourself, your world just opens up, fears disappear, judgment diminishes, you are so free from those scary thoughts, that criticism and everything that used to make you feel guilty, sad and shameful. I used to be running away from the word “Love”, I hated this word….But now I know that where there is resistance, this is exactly what you need.
I want to help you to rewrite your story because you are everything in this world that matters and you matter to me.
I see you, I hear you and I am here for you.
Love you much,
- 2021 Reiki Level II (Distance attunement by Lisa Powers)
- 2020 Love and Authenticity Certificate - Coaching, Authentic Living with Mandy Morris (Online)
- 2019 Authentic Creation, Authentic Living with Mandy Morris (Online)
- 2018 EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique) ABC training (Estonia)
- 2017 NLP practitioner, NLP Institute in Estonia
- 2017 Reiki level I (Estonia)
- 2016 AoEC Practitioner Diploma in Executive Coaching, EBS (Estonia)
- 2010 Event Management Diploma, Fitzwilliam Institute (Ireland)
- 2013 (Ba) in Hospitality Management, Dublin Institute of Technology (Ireland)